Today was a big day for "G", my eldest. She started Kindergarten! The school is about a quarter mile from our house, so we walked there. She was super excited about going, as evidenced by the picture. She lined up outside the classroom and then went in and put her stuff away. Us parents were dismissed shortly after. The two other kids and I went on with a normal day. Gym and then home for lunch and all of a sudden it was time to pick up "G" again. She was happy when I picked her up, said she had a good time.
It was strange to not have her in the house though. So quiet. For those of you who know my middle child, she is NOT the quiet type. But as soon as older sister is gone, she has nobody to fight with or compete with. She totally mellows out. It's nice. And "S" really needs the extra attention. I've never spent much time with her without her older sister. Should be good to get to know her better in the weeks and months to come. She needs that time to find out who she is when out from under her sister's shadow. I'm really excited for where I see our relationship going.
An odd day though. I found myself feeling strangely un-moored sometimes, like a part of me was missing. And thinking about it, I have always had "G" with me, ever since she was born. So many of her moments we have shared. Ever since I was pregnant, and she swam like a fish under my heart, we have been together. I remember when she was just born, and we would head out together on errands. Just the two of us, she my constant companion. Now, for the first time, she starts a life without me. I am letting her go for hours at a time, in someone else's care. Someone else will share in her accomplishments and encourage her through her frustrating moments. In one day, I have become a bystander in my own child's life.
But all these are not dark thoughts. I am not upset. I'm happy for her. Indescribably proud of her. She's so ready for this. Ready to test those wings and learn to fly. And I am happy to let her go. She needs to do this, by degrees, in order to grow up a well-adjusted adult. Makes me think about what it was like for my own parents, letting us go to boarding school. Feels like that would be too much flying too soon...such a big adjustment. And also the home-schooled kids who never have to experience what it is like to be on their own-just a little. This feels right. If I can let her go in small increments, then I hope she will always return home.
