Save the Mix Tape!

Those of you fans of the Friends TV show will remember the episode where Chandler and Monica are supposed to make gifts for each other. At the last minute, Chandler finds an old mix tape of his and gives it to Monica. After a short while, Janice's voice breaks in...and Chandler's in trouble. Up until a few years ago, that's what I would think of when I thought of a mix tape. Either that or the tapes we would make in junior high, combining all our favorite songs on one tape-sometimes to give to someone or just for ourselves.

I don't know where the idea of a mix tape (or mix CD) falls in today's culture, but I suggest that we save the mix tape! And here is why I love them:

My husband made me one a few years ago and when I got it I was surprised. I felt it was an odd gift, and one that required little thought. How wrong I was! As we sat down and listened to it together, he told me about why he chose the songs. He talked about spending months sifting through songs and looking up lyrics so they would say just what he wanted and with the right kind of mood. I couldn't help but be moved to tears as I heard my husband's heart through music. I heard songs that I had known for years in a whole different way. Those songs make me feel loved in ways that a thousand "I love you's" could never do.

Everyone connects with music. The type does not matter as much as the way it touches chords deep within us. And when someone decides to share a song with you that expresses the way they feel about you, that's a precious thing.

"J" has recently given me "True Love Volume 5" and I am just as moved as I was the first time. I will leave you with one of the songs off it: "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life

I swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed

They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

Now I don’t know where I am

I don’t know where I’ve been

But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realize that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange you said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said “this is the first day of my life

I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you

But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you

And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me

With these things there’s no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I’d rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time is different

I mean I really think you like me

Wax frogs-free to a good home

Well, not really. These little guys were photographed at the California Academy of Sciences. They are the subject of my next drawing. Thought I would post the original picture as I get started. I plan to post pics of my progress as I go. So far I'm not sure if I'm going to draw all three of the frogs, but I might. I think the composition is rather nice the way it is.

The reason they are "free to a good home" is because this will be the first drawing I have done in a very long time that has no designation. I always have someone in mind when I start a project like this. But I had no reason to draw this time, just felt like it and the wax frogs inspired me. I think if someone wants it I could sell it, but I will probably find someone to give it to by the time I'm done.

Box on my porch

Today I got my first box of produce delivered from Farm Fresh To You. They have lots of options for your order, but all of it is from local, organic farms and is always in season. You can order veggies only, fruit only, or a combination of the two. I started out with the small combination box (pictured above, with Diet Coke-my usual breakfast beverage-for scale comparison). Initially I set it to deliver every other week, but I can see that that won't quite be enough. I think next I'm going to try the next size up every other week. The slightly larger box will also give me more variety in the box.

I have chosen to give this a try for two reasons:

1. To support local, organic farmers. I have always wanted my own ranch. Even as a kid I loved to garden and wanted to raise our own animals for meat, milk and eggs. I was privileged to grow up in an area where I was able to experience much of that. But now I am a city girl. I still have the desire to put on a cowboy hat and go out to herd cattle, but I am slowly letting go of that dream. This gives me a very small taste of what I love, and helps support the people who are doing what I would do if I had another life to live.

2. For the challenge of cooking in season. Every week the contents of the box will vary and I love the challenge of figuring out how to make the most of each box. I am going to get things I have never cooked with, like mustard greens. What on earth will I do with those?! I love that this will force me to not only be more creative, but also will expose my kids to new tastes.

This week I got sweet potatoes...I have not cooked those since I was making baby food! Trying a new recipe for gratin with the leeks that were also in the box. :) (Below are the contents of my box.)

Musings on Kindergarten

Today was a big day for "G", my eldest. She started Kindergarten! The school is about a quarter mile from our house, so we walked there. She was super excited about going, as evidenced by the picture. She lined up outside the classroom and then went in and put her stuff away. Us parents were dismissed shortly after. The two other kids and I went on with a normal day. Gym and then home for lunch and all of a sudden it was time to pick up "G" again. She was happy when I picked her up, said she had a good time.

It was strange to not have her in the house though. So quiet. For those of you who know my middle child, she is NOT the quiet type. But as soon as older sister is gone, she has nobody to fight with or compete with. She totally mellows out. It's nice. And "S" really needs the extra attention. I've never spent much time with her without her older sister. Should be good to get to know her better in the weeks and months to come. She needs that time to find out who she is when out from under her sister's shadow. I'm really excited for where I see our relationship going.

An odd day though. I found myself feeling strangely un-moored sometimes, like a part of me was missing. And thinking about it, I have always had "G" with me, ever since she was born. So many of her moments we have shared. Ever since I was pregnant, and she swam like a fish under my heart, we have been together. I remember when she was just born, and we would head out together on errands. Just the two of us, she my constant companion. Now, for the first time, she starts a life without me. I am letting her go for hours at a time, in someone else's care. Someone else will share in her accomplishments and encourage her through her frustrating moments. In one day, I have become a bystander in my own child's life.

But all these are not dark thoughts. I am not upset. I'm happy for her. Indescribably proud of her. She's so ready for this. Ready to test those wings and learn to fly. And I am happy to let her go. She needs to do this, by degrees, in order to grow up a well-adjusted adult. Makes me think about what it was like for my own parents, letting us go to boarding school. Feels like that would be too much flying too soon...such a big adjustment. And also the home-schooled kids who never have to experience what it is like to be on their own-just a little. This feels right. If I can let her go in small increments, then I hope she will always return home.

Drawings, Haircuts and a Crazy Lady

It's been way too long since I last sat down to write. Summer is rather busy, in a good way. First major thing is that I finished another drawing. These drawings with dots always take me quite a while. My original plan was to draw a pair of okapis for my parents. I would give my mom one on mother's day and then one for dad on father's day. Well, the one I started for my mom I made a big mistake on and there is no going back when it's pen and ink. Besides, I ended up not really liking the pose of the animal anyways. So I figured out another gift for my mom and plodded on with the other okapi. It turned out really good, I was very happy with it. Every time I do a drawing, I have someone in mind. I find that I actually can't produce anything unless I know who it is for. And so they have become acts of love for me. They are so painstaking slow to do, that I spend a great deal of time meditating on the person that it is for. Every dot says "I love you", a million times over. My dad seemed moved, although he didn't say much when he got it. But that's the way my dad has always been-a little mysterious, and I guess that's OK. I thought I would include some pictures of the progress of the drawing, just for fun. I'm not sure what order they are going to appear in...and I still don't know how to remove a picture once I put it up, so here goes:

The finished product!

(My husband helped me out on the pictures. Not very intuitive this blogging thing...)

Speaking of my father, a few months ago he asked me to design a logo for him. He is going on a 40th anniversary bike ride with some friends of his. They took this ride in 1969 together and are doing it again in 2009. He wanted to make a custom jersey for them all to wear. This is what I came up with:

I drew the initial design and my husband scanned it in and went over it with a drawing program. We decided on colors together and he put it all together. Took us longer than we wanted it to, but it ended up being a fun project to work on together. Shared creativity can be fun. :)

Just to follow up on M's glasses and how that is going: He is doing very well with them. I figured we would have weeks of putting them back on every time he took them off. But within a couple of weeks he pretty much left them alone. Now when he is tired or frustrated with something he tends to take them off. But for the most part they stay put. And it's been really neat to see his eyes straighten out. The glasses really do the job. And I feel much better about them too. I'm getting used to seeing them on him, so much so that he looks odd without them. And I'm OK with the fact that he needs them too. I think it helped to realize that many parents deal with things far greater than vision problems in their children. Putting things into perspective was good.

Another big change for the month has been joining Weight Watchers (ww). M is over a year now and I wasn't losing any weight. People told me that the weight would start coming off when I stopped breast-feeding, but that really didn't happen. I tried dieting on my own over and over again. So I decided that there were no more second chances and I wasn't ever going to look back. And that involved spending $40 a month on the program. (I figure I will be eating less and we should save at least that much on groceries...) So far it's been a worthwhile investment. After 3 weeks I have lost 6 pounds, more than I had lost in over a year of working my ass of at the gym (aforementioned ass not coming off at all though...). So, I am quietly proud of myself and the program has been very good so far. They have the best website ever too. I can enter the ingredients for my own recipes and it will spit out points values for what I cook. Just love it! I'm not sure why, but I have not told many people about joining the program. Perhaps a part of me is still afraid that I will fail again and I don't want people to know about it. Perhaps I want to be able to casually say "I lost 30 pounds", and for them to have no idea that I had been working that hard. I like to think it's the latter, because I'm not going to fail at this. :)

Also cut my hair for the first time. Well, I didn't cut it myself, I paid a professional to do it. :) The shortest hair I have ever had. My father always liked long hair, so I never cut it when I was growing up. Then I married a man who also likes long hair, and it has stayed long for my entire life. But this year I wanted to try something new. I've been feeling like my face is very boring. I'm not a make-up person, I hate to wear it. So I wanted some interesting hair, something with a little style. I loved my long hair, but wearing it down was a pain. It always ended up in a ponytail, no bangs. Very boring. Plus, when my hair was down I was super hot, even in the winter. So off it came, enough to donate-which was fun. And I really like it, I'm having fun learning how to do different things with it. And I'm even using product...those of you who know me know that is a big step! :)

New haircut. Looks a little curlier now that I've washed it.

Storytime: I was in my Weight Watchers meeting the other day, listening to people share, etc. In the process of the discussion, someone mentioned that they had walked there. Probably a good 3 miles. So after the meeting I offer to bring her home, she lives not far from me and it's going to be dark soon. She accepts and seems happy about not having to walk. As we are going out to my car she says, "You know, I knew you were going to ask me if I wanted a ride. I just know things before they happen. Does that ever happen to you, that you just know what someone is going to say before they say it or that something is going to happen?" Right then I knew that I had invited a crazy person into my car. Oh joy. She gets in the car and looks behind her and just stares. I decide to fill her in and tell her that I have three small children, thus the carseats. That they are at home with dad. She then launches into a story about someone she knows who has kids and how horrible they are and how being a parent is just the worst thing ever. I didn't have much to say about that, I rather like being a parent and my kids are great. Every once in a while she would look over at me, but it was really strange. She had this 1000 mile gaze, like she was looking right through me and into the cosmos. All of this was not helped by the fact that I had a killer migraine over my right eye-all in all it was kind of a surreal experience.

Well, hopefully I will be better about updating here. I think that's all for now...

Missing this...

I've been so busy nowadays that I just have not had time to sit down and put a few thoughts here. I often find myself composing entries, only to run out of time by the end of the day. Life has been good though, and I hope to stop in again soon.

Specifics about the Specs

This is my little guy, trying on glasses in the shop.  After one of his well-checks, the pediatrician recommended that we see a pediatric opthamologist.  This is because "M" crosses his eyes a lot and often one eye will go inwards while the other looks straight.  All babies cross their eyes, so we didn't think much of it.  But then it wasn't going away.  

Turns out he has accomodative esotropia.  I'm still learning about it, but it has to do with his brain trying to focus his eyes.  When he tries to look at something up close, his eyes cross instead of focusing.  I guess that also makes him farsighted.  Glasses are supposed to fix the problem and help him see better.  Supposedly surgery is an option down the road as well, but is not always effective.  If not treated soon, the long-term damage would be loss of vision as his brain gives up trying to send signals to the eyes when they don't respond properly.  

Finding glasses for him proved to be more difficult that I thought.  I called a number of places and they all said that they don't provide the type of frames that we needed for him.  The frames are almost like goggles in their soft-ness.  Very flexible and almost indestructible.  And they have a soft cord that goes around the back of the head.  My husband happened across a website for a company that specialized in children's eye wear.  People fly in from across the nation to pick up glasses for their kids.  Turns out this place is just about a half hour from where we live.  So we headed out there and were able to chose from a bunch of colors, etc.  The ones in the picture are the ones we decided to get.  He seemed to enjoy trying them on.  He likes to be the center of attention and loved the laughs he got for his goofy glasses smiles.  Keeping them on him at home is going to be the real challenge.  That same day we dropped them off at a more local place to get the lenses put in and in a couple days he'll start wearing them.  

Here's the thing, though.  I'm still trying to get used to the fact that he even needs his eyes to be corrected.  In my family only one of us siblings wears glasses and that started in high school.  My parents do, but they are in their 50's.  I think I somehow see the need to have vision corrected as a degenerative problem.  And now "M" is not as perfect as I see him.  In my mind he's starting out life fresh, with no health problems.  But now there is this.  I know that many parents face much worse health problems with their kids.  In fact, we have faced worse as well.  But it kills me to think of him starting out behind, if you will.  

I do want the best for him though, of course.  I want him to be able to see small things when he holds them instead of having to move them back and forth in order to focus.  And all the positive feedback from friends and family about how cute he looks is helping to sugar-coat how I feel.  But I guess I'm still working through it, but something inside hurts when I think about the sentence of glasses for life.